Beyond NPC: Taking Charge of Your Story.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the importance of prioritizing in the correct order.

There’s an analogy from the world of video games that captures this concept: the idea of an “NPC” or “Non-Player Character.” In video games, NPCs are the characters who follow simple scripts, lacking independent thought and existing only to fulfill a background role.

The NPC meme has taken on new meaning. It suggests that many people drift through life, becoming “NPCs” in the stories of others — present but without true agency, direction, or purpose.

Are We Just Background Characters?

After 18 years of marriage and then a divorce, there were nights I’d wake up feeling like I was living someone else’s script.

I’d invested so much in my life, in my siblings, in others around me — only to realize, at some point, that something essential was missing.

It was as if I had spent years playing a role, filling spaces in other people’s lives, but losing my own direction in the process.

A Simple Truth

Here’s a nugget of wisdom I discovered along the way: everyone in my life was doing the best they could with the tools they had.

There’s no fault or blame. It’s simply the recognition that each of us is shaped by the environment and experiences we’re handed.

But at a certain point, it becomes essential to step back, assess, and prioritize our own lives in the right order.

Foundation Before Structure

One of the most important realizations I’ve had is that you can be doing all the right things, but if you’re doing them in the wrong order, they won’t yield the results you want.

It’s like trying to build a house without a foundation.

As Esther Hicks says, building a life without a solid foundation is like carrying your valuables over a thin layer of ice.

At any moment, the ice can crack, and everything you’re carrying will plunge into the water.

The Illusion of Financial Stability

Many of us believe that financial stability will set everything straight.

But the truth is, sometimes happiness, purpose, and a sense of fulfillment are far more valuable foundations to build on.

Nobody can have everything — at least, not all at once.

Getting one thing often means giving up another.

When we choose a path, we inevitably close off other possibilities.

Choosing Priorities: Career vs. Family

For women, this trade-off often becomes apparent in our twenties.

We’re on a time clock, and while a career may seem appealing, building a family — if that’s something we desire — also requires years of dedication.

On a personal note, I had my children young. It didn’t stop me from pursuing my passions, but it did mean moving at a slower pace.

The upside? Raising children taught me resilience, hands-on skills, and life lessons that became invaluable when I eventually pursued a career.

I entered the workforce with practical experience and a well of motivation.

Relationships and Responsibilities

Being in a relationship — or even a job — is a privilege.

I’ve come to understand that nobody owes me anything, including my children.

I chose this experience, and it’s up to me to work daily on improving it and finding fulfillment within it.

One of the most crucial skills I’ve tried to cultivate is problem-solving.

Problems Are Inevitable; It’s the Process That Matters

Life is full of challenges, from deciding what to cook for dinner to navigating life crises.

The key isn’t to avoid problems but to develop a process for addressing them.

I ask myself:

• How do I communicate with myself when an issue arises?

• What actions do I take?

• Do I shut down, binge-eat, yell, or push forward?

I’ve noticed that it takes time for the brain to acclimate to new situations and orient itself.

Sometimes, the answer isn’t about trying harder or putting in more effort.

Effort vs. Allowing

Effort can sometimes be counterproductive, like telling a blind person that if they just try harder, they’ll see.

When a problem arises, our first reaction is often tension, which restricts our muscles and reduces oxygen flow.

This lack of oxygen doesn’t help our nervous system, and we end up in a reactive state rather than a responsive one.

The Power of Calm and Clarity

When faced with a problem, I try to practice calm and patience.

Instead of jumping straight into action, I pause and give myself a moment to breathe and assess.

This approach creates space for clarity, allowing the answers to come naturally rather than forcing them.

Sometimes, the best solution is simply to take a step back, release the tension, and trust that the right path will reveal itself in time.

Closing Thoughts

As I continue navigating this new chapter, I remind myself to prioritize in the correct order.

Building a life of meaning and purpose requires a solid foundation — a grounding in what truly matters, beyond the external markers of success.

To build a life that’s truly our own, we need to stop being “NPCs” in someone else’s story.

We need to become the main characters in our own lives, setting our own priorities, and choosing our own paths.

May we all find the courage to pause, re-center, and make decisions from a place of clarity and intention.

Exercises for Prioritizing Foundations

1. Reflect on Your Priorities: Take an honest look at how you’re currently allocating your time and energy. Are you nurturing your emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing alongside your professional and material goals?

2. Establish a Solid Foundation: Identify the core pillars that support your overall happiness and fulfillment. This could include relationships, personal growth, financial security, or something else entirely.

3. Reframe Challenges: When faced with a problem, shift your mindset from “What’s wrong?” to “What’s the process for addressing this?” Allow space for creative solutions to emerge.

4. Practice Patience and Compassion: Recognize that growth takes time. Be kind to yourself as you navigate life’s ebbs and flows. Trust that the answers will come when the time is right.

5. Cultivate Awareness: Pay attention to how your body responds to stress. Notice when you start to feel tense or restricted. Take a deep breath, and gently redirect your focus.

Remember, you are the architect of your life. By prioritizing your foundations first, you create a sturdy structure from which all else can grow.

Esther