Emerge

The reality is that no one is coming to save you.

Author

Esther Levy
July 15, 2024

Midjourney By Esther Levy

“The question is always more interesting than the answer.” Han Zimmerman

The reality is …

no one is coming to save you. It’s a sad reality but also an illusion.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a supportive family, healthy friendships, or a community of people who cheer them on and root for them to have a good life.

The reality is …

some personalities are conditioned to isolation, while others thrive in social environments. Sometimes, circumstances in our lives put us in compromising situations, causing us to retreat into ourselves with survival as our only option.

The reality is …

if you don’t ask for help, no one will assume you need it or volunteer support.

The reality is … 

if you need something, you need to ask for it. 

There is a common misconception in relationships: we often dream that the other person can magically read our thoughts and voluntarily give us what we need without us having to communicate.

The reality is … 

if you are an adult, one of the signs of maturity is communicating your needs.

This helps the other person understand you better. But keep in mind context is everything: The right time and place.

The reality is …

communication isn’t always verbal. Body language and habits often speak louder than words.

Have you ever sat on a chair that wasn’t comfortable? The design was not practical or supportive. Even though it might be beautiful, it does not communicate functionality. A chair is an object to sit on. If the shape doesn’t accommodate this purpose, the chair has no purpose.

The reality is …

that the form did not follow function, which is a key component in any design. And this is where purpose is developed.

What is its function?

You can ask yourself the same question regarding relationships. This part is often missed. When we get caught up with “creativity” and “inspiration,” we lose track of the foundation of all things, which is function.

Distractions come in many forms: “He’s so kind,” “She’s a great boss,” “It’s a fun environment.” While these statements are positive individually, they lack meaning if they don’t contribute to your goals and expectations.

Function, by definition, is the relationship between input and the resulting outcome. If the qualities you admire don’t support your desired outcomes, they serve no natural function in achieving your objectives.

What is the function of love?

What is the function of my work relationship?

What is the function of money?

What is the function of food?

Midjourney By Esther Levy

If your message isn’t clear, it may be due to your lack of Emotional Interior Design, a concept I explore in detail in my book, “Interior Designer — The Body.”

The Seven Elements of Interior Design for Life:

  1. Space: Understand and respect your emotional territory, much like maintaining a healthy personal bubble.

  2. Lines: Establish boundaries, similar to lines in a blueprint, defining where things belong.

  3. Form: Use these boundaries to create a life that is both functional and fulfilling, like turning a sketch into a sculpture.

  4. Pattern: Observe your habits. Are they creating a beautiful design or just noise?

  5. Texture: Life is a tapestry of experiences. Each one adds depth and layers. How do these textures feel in your life?

  6. Color: The roles we play add color to our lives. The right roles can make our purpose clear and vibrant.

  7. Light: Insight illuminates our lives, much like light changes the appearance of a room.

It’s important to understand what you are investing your energy into. Some friendships, jobs, and partners don’t last. Sometimes, it’s due to circumstances, divine intervention, personal evolution, or stress. But most of the time, it’s because we never established the primary purpose of the relationship. When the function expires, the relationship often does as well.

Most of the time, it’s because we don’t even know the real reason we are there in the first place. For instance, if you are at a job primarily to get paid, having the right environment is beneficial, but the primary objective is to work and earn a paycheck, not to make friends or find profound purpose in your life.

The reality is ….

when we don’t prepare or have a clear plan, our sense of purpose can become eclipsed by our circumstances. This often leaves us feeling abandoned when we realize the other person or the situation doesn’t match our level of commitment. However, if we know the reason we are there, we can manage our expectations and emotions better.

For example, if your goal at a job is to earn a paycheck to pay your bills, you can remind yourself of this purpose when other feelings, like the need for meaning or friendship, arise. 

Understanding that your primary objective is financial can help you navigate your work environment more effectively. If you seek meaning or friendships, it’s important to look for them in environments designed to provide those connections, not just in your workplace.

Be Present in Your Personal Experience 

5 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship

Chris Williamson offers a valuable tool for self-reflection with these five questions. If you’re unsure about your relationship, asking yourself these questions can help you gain clarity and be more present in your personal experience:

1. If someone told you you’re a lot like your partner, would this be a compliment to you?
 — This question challenges you to consider whether you admire the traits and qualities of your partner. Would you feel proud to be compared to them?

2. Are you truly fulfilled or just less lonely?
 — Reflect on your sense of fulfillment within the relationship. Are you in it because it genuinely enriches your life, or simply because it alleviates loneliness?

3. Are you able to be unapologetically yourself, or do you feel the need to show up differently to please your partner?
 — Authenticity is crucial in any relationship. Think about whether you can be your true self or if you feel pressured to change who you are to satisfy your partner.

4. Are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole, or are you only in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of them?
 — This question helps you assess whether your love is grounded in reality. Do you accept your partner as they are, with all their flaws, or are you idealizing them?

5. Would you want your future/imagined child to date someone like your partner?
 — This question prompts you to think about the qualities you value in a relationship. Would you want someone you care about to be with a person like your partner?

Midjourney By Esther Levy

The reality is …

reflecting on these questions can provide significant insights into your relationship and help you understand your true feelings and motivations. Being present in your personal experience means recognizing and acknowledging these truths, allowing you to make more informed and authentic decisions about your relationship.

Feel free to apply this to all areas of your life. 

Until next time.

Esther

90 Day Self Love Transformation

LOVE Begins with YOU!

YOU are ready to take the transformative step towards a better SELF!

Dive deeper and connect! Join hundreds of women. But only if you are serious about your self-development journey.

You will receive a 53-page course packed with daily tools and strategies that will change your life.

Create awareness: You have the power to grow your own garden!