The True Source of Confidence

Confidence doesn’t come from ego or arrogance — it arises from having the freedom to make choices in your life. 

Think back to raising children, giving them opportunities to choose, even for small things like food preferences, fostering a sense of autonomy and self-assurance.

Many people grow up feeling like they don’t have choices at all. 

They believe following a rigid structure will lead to recognition and validation, not realizing that making choices for yourself is a fundamental component of building true confidence.

In heated moments, intense feelings can seem overwhelming and paralyzing. 

But ask yourself: “A week from now, which will matter more — indulging this anxious feeling or choosing to focus on what’s important?” Separate passing emotional storms from the bigger picture.

To prepare for tough choices:

• Get clear on your core values and priorities — For me, that means I don’t look at choice as compromising but prioritize.

• Weigh the potential outcomes objectively

• Have a mindfulness practice to center yourself

• Learn from past mistakes and successes

Borrow a technique from former professional poker player Annie Duke called “And Nevertheless.” When someone expresses a disagreeing perspective, respond: “I hear you. And nevertheless, here is my viewpoint and why…” 

Explain your stance without trying to convince them you’re absolutely right.

Building confidence starts with being receptive and open to choices, just as nutrient-rich soil readily absorbs what nourishing plants need to thrive. 

What can you do personally to be more open to the options and opportunities for growth in your life? Opt for autonomy over following others’ scripts for you. 

Choose based on what aligns with your authentic self.

One choice made with confidence today leads to increasing self-assurance tomorrow. The judgment and second-guessing soften as you attune to your power of choice. Life opens up, and your footsteps grow steadier toward your potential.

Ultimately, confidence emerges not from bravado but from self-trust — the ability to calmly evaluate options, tune into your inner wisdom, and consciously choose the actions that best serve your well-being and evolution. 

With consistent practice, making empowered choices becomes easier and easier. So, embrace choice as the catalyst for an authentically confident life. The rest will follow with unwavering step-by-step growth.

So here are some practical steps to prepare for this.

Ask yourself

How do you know?

How do you know you know anything in life?

How do you know when you know and when it’s the right time?

This will be different for every individual.

Ask yourself what is your approach. It’s as simple as asking yourself when you want to buy a dress or breakfast. 

How do you choose? 

What are your methods and techniques? 

How do you measure the worth of your thoughts? 

What do you give attention and value to?

Using your internal scale, go back to a simple choice you made earlier today and notice what within your body gives you the green light to choose. For some people, it’s the weighing, measuring, and comparing. For others, it’s a gut feeling; for some people, it is the heart, and lastly, timing.

Disclaimer: When things feel good, we enter that space. But suppose you are motivated and draw inspiration from someone yelling at you or social pressure. In that case, there is a possibility that you will stimulate someone in your life to do something negative and direct that energy toward you. Finding that when you feel small, like Alice in Wonderland, drinking the potion to shrink and that was her only way out.

Be honest with yourself:

You have Choices. The question is: How do you make your choices?

• Esther